WOW.

WOW. That's probably the best word to describe the way this past week went. When we had our Mean Girls session on Monday night, I didn't know that so many things would change this week. So, first some background info... Well, our group of friends at school decided to have a team building session Monday night, in which, first we all gave each other complements and told each other the best things about ourselves and what we liked about each other. Then, we decided to dabble in the nitty gritty and spill some beans as to stuff we've been hiding or telling other people behind other's backs... so, yeah, needless to say, we found out about a lot of things at the meeting, including an unfortunate tryst amongst our friends hahaha. But, that's besides the point. The next day everyone was really quiet and awkward; I think that we were on such a high during the session that we could have literally told everyone anything and it would've been fine. But then after, it's like everything changed... And, you know what? I'm finished with all the drama... I looked back on this week and I think: since when did I get so damn dependent on positive feedback or encouragement??? That's gone now. I really don't need anybody, and the old adage is true unfortunately.... except for a very select few, you just can't count on people, and if you want to advance your goals in life, you simply have to have your core group of friends and family, and go after them! I discovered what I had been sulking about all week, and I am in the process of fixing it. Speaking of, this diet is going well... I keep on noticing results, and I will continue to make the change... My goals date is steadily approaching! One thing's for certain though: I'm done with this. No hard feelings, though. I've just lost sight of my goals (not the weight loss one).

Second: I've discovered a very important thing about myself. I want to be an actor. You may be like, "Yo, you've always wanted that." True, my friends. BUT, I have gotten over a key hump in the path now. I don't want to do acting for the sheer POSSIBILITY that I may become known or I MAY get money. NO. I want to act for the sheer pleasure of being able to discover yourself, through playing someone else. I want to act to be able to tell stories. I want to act to be able to meet fabulous people who share my passion and drive for doing something they love in this world. I want to act to discover myself, and the key uncertainties that guide me in this life. I just want to do it. I don't want a real job. I don't want job security (I can always be trained in the art of waiting hahahaha). I don't want to go to work everyday at 8 and leave at 5. That's my goal. That's where I want to be in 10 years. Sitting here at rehearsal looking at the sheer passion and dedication in everybody's face as they talk about Big Love and how to interpret it is inspiring. These guys (and girls) are the best in their field, and they're ready to take on the world. They're good. They're passionate. They're actors. I had the same look in my face when I told my mom years ago that I wanted to audition for ZOOM! It's still there. All the movies I see I think: Damn, really, how fun must that be? It's a hard job, yes, but someone needs to do it, right? You know, it's funny... we try so hard sometimes to control life. But, honestly, life is never in our control. It's simply not possible to try. How can you paddle a boat when you don't have the paddles??? You're not going to fall out of the boat... you will have some scary moments, but you will ultimately find your destination. I've discovered that. Simply put: I WANT to act.

Lastly, I am so thankful to the cast of Big Love and my fabulous ASM and SM... Being here these past few days has gotten my mind off so many things. I always avoid the drama too! When I get here, I just get entrenched in the work... granted we're not doing to much yet, but I look forward to these next few weeks.

So, let's see what next week will hold??? I bet you one thing: It will be just as eventful as this one... it's just up to me what to do with everything thrown at me. Talk to you soon! XoT

A New Day

I almost had a breakdown today because I couldn't fit into the large clothing at the store. Needless to say, it's not nice to work your ass off for 2 and a half months and not fit into the clothes you want to. But then, I journeyed to Kohl's and discovered that a large does fit me! It just depends on the how the inseam is cut... So, I'm better now, haha. Plus, I cleaned my room! Anyways, I continue on my journey for weight loss, and am only consoled by the fact that it took more than 2 and a half months to get to where I am; it will certainly take more than that to take it all off. So, here's to summer, and there are a few things I am looking forward to in the summer, so hopefully I can be "beach-ready" by this summer, and have people come to me hahahaha, jk.

I'm actually trying really hard to enjoy my break, and relax, because who knows what this quarter will bring? All I know is that my grades must go up! They must! So, that's my Spring Quarter resolution. Oh, yeah, and along with losing weight haha. I have absolutely enjoyed my Spring Break so far. Unofficially it started two Sundays ago, when my best friend came to Chicago looking for some parties (of course, I was being the square one). But, in all seriousness, it was probably one of the best times I have had in Chicago so far, everything else notwithstanding. Like he pointed out, it was like we were free for three days. NO worries (except for finals...ummm...), no nothing. I seriously can't wait to do it again, and I hope it happens sooner than later. You know, it always amazes me how me and him can just talk as if nothing ever happened when we see each other again; sometimes I'm like, damn, what did I do to deserve such a great friend? If you're reading, consider this your shoutout hahaha :). But, this summer is going to officially start for me in about 2 and a half months, so I'm looking forward to that, and hopefully planning some great things this summer. So, Thank You for opening my eyes once more to the fantastic city of Chicago, and how wonderful it is to be able to share it with someone. Oh, yeah, and to force me to go out to the Ledge and have one of the most scared shitless moments of my life.

Peace and love

...

Well, I've been told by a certain someone that I don't blog often, and that I should. Well, I came upon some really decent/sad lyrics that I felt I should share. They're from the song Hand of Sorrow by Within Temptation.

Please forgive me for the sorrow
For leaving you in fear
For the dreams we had to silence
That's all they'll ever be
Still I'll be the hand that serves you
Though you'll not see that it is me...

Depressing? Yeah, I know. But, for me, I will forever hold those dreams, and I won't leave anyone. Don't worry, I'm not emo haha, I just am determined to get somewhere in life, and still have my group that I know and love. We'll see how it goes :).

Heaven forbid we slip into a puddle of fun, or anything!

So here I am writing this blog while currently on I-94! Haha. That's how cool I am... I write my blogs on the go now. I wish. Actually its cause I'm heading to a sporting event and I am bored on the bus cause the driver told me to stop taking pictures because the flash was distraciting him haha.

Anyways, I went through one of those life crises that Lexa is always talking about yesterday! I'll cut right to the chase. Over the past few weeks I've been considering switching majors. Now, before you all get your panties in a bunch... you should know that I have been considering this a while, and I am also not positive I want to do this yet. Now, you best sit down now, so I can reveal which major I want to switch to.... I am considering switching to a theatre major.

I have always loved to write. Please do yourself a favor and don't get me wrong there haha. I have always enjoyed being able to tell a story through writing... whether it be a blog, story, paper or a song. I love to write. But, honestly, I don't know if I can see myself doing journalism for the rest ofmy life now. I LOVED journalism in high school, but something deep down is changing and I can't stop it. I have always loved the arts and acting in particular, but I have always, always been told I can't do it. "It's not safe" is the main thing I get. Yes, you're right. It's not safe. But thanks to my friend, the recession, nothing is safe nowadays, right? I want to not know where I'll be in four years. I want to be dealt life's cards. I want to take a risk. If I recall, my school I went to was a HUGE risk that I thank God everyday I took. Yeah, I really miss my friends sometimes, but going here has helped me figure out so many things. It's truly been a blessing, and it continues to help me shape my future.

No, I'm not being influenced by anybody. No I'm not doing what everyone else is doing. And no, I'm not a stupid person, nor am a person who doesn't know what he wants. If you choose to be disappointed in me or see me as not a smart person, then that's your perogative and I can't do anything about it. I will let you know though that I am simply tired of everybody stating "no" in different ways. There has been people that have supported me, and I thank you a lot.. you know who you are. So, I'm navigating the sidewalks of my school.... and I think I might be about to slip into a puddle of fun. We'll see how it goes.

Songs of my life

You know, it's always funny; you go through your life, and then look back on it two or three years later and discover that you always had songs to describe the way you were feeling. So, in short, you have like that SPECIFIC song for the summer of 2008, or so and so. And I can actually remember a whole lot about the time when I remember what song I had in my had. It's actually a pleasant exercise, and reminds someone of the good ol' days (not that these days aren't good, we'll get to that later). You don't necessarily go looking for a song to become the song of the time, it just becomes it... you listen to it a lot of times, and it becomes a perfect way to describe your life... See if you can guess what was going on at the time haha.

Songs of my life:

Summer 2008: Listen to Your Heart, Roxette
Listen to Your Heart, DHT
Summer 2009: Poker Face, Lady GaGa
Where is the Love?, Black Eyed Peas
What about Love?, Heart
Our Solemn Hour, Within Temptation
Aug-Sep '09: I'll Stand by You, The Pretenders
Lean on Me, UB40 Version
Smile, Brooke White
Sep- Oct '09: I Love You,Putnam Spelling Bee
Take a Bow, Glee Version
Dear Mr. President, Pink
Nov- Current: Paparazzi, Lady GaGa
Bad Romance, Lady GaGa
Alejandro, Lady GaGa
Dance in the Dark, Lady GaGa
Speechless, Lady GaGa
Monster, Lady GaGa
Eh, Eh, Nothing I Could Say, Lady GaGa
Dreaming of You, Selena
I Could Fall in Love, Selena

Chicago band tries recognition a different way

This is another story I did for class this past week about a local Chicago band called Your Villain My Hero. Thoughts? I will post more about the band in a bit.

Your Villain My Hero is trying to make a name for themselves: they play Lady GaGa; they just finished filming their first music video; they play gigs at clubs throughout Chicago and the Midwest. But don’t ask them when they’re going to “make it big.”

“The ratio of success to failure is astronomical,” manager Roger Jansen says. “After you get a record deal, the chance of success is [about] 3%. All bands have this inherent desire to become popular; to become famous; to have a successful profile.”

Band member Mig Mora says by certain measures, the band is successful. But they also stay grounded, and focus on their goals, he says.

“We want to play music people will dance to. I think it’s important for a band to really identify their goals. If you don’t have a plan, you might not have a plan to get it into people’s hands,” Mora says.

While the band plays cover music, Jansen sees it as opportunity to open the doors for audiences.

“I think that you have to be a great songwriter; it’s hard to write great hit songs,” Jansen says. “If you want to make money, I would suggest learning cover songs. Audiences [at first] don’t want to hear original music.”

Mora says that audiences also aren’t like they used to be; he says it takes effort to get the product out in the business.

“People don’t purchase music like they used to,” he says. “Add value to it. Give the music away. Music is our business card.”

In contrast to what most bands think, Jansen says that you need to start off unoriginal, and build a base.

“Some of the most creative artists are also the craziest ones,” Jansen says. “We’re building a brand. Radio is very political. [So] we’re not concerned about airplay. We’re building a fan base.”

A fan base that Mora says has already begun to appear.

“We’ve gotten a good start so far. The most fulfilling thing is when we’re at a show. My favorite [part] is when we play our original music, and [people] are just as interested,” Mora says.

Your Villain My Hero only recently filmed a music video for their first single, I Don’t Need a Boyfriend.

“I find artists that are fantastic are also unmanageable; there’s a sense of entitlement. Comparing us to any other cover band in Chicago is unfair to us,” he says.

It’s also unfair, Mora says, to think that music is a once a week job.

“Make sure you’re doing something every day,” he says. “We started this band back in the summer. We’ve gone through a metamorphosis. We write pop music; we want to start releasing singles; we like to throw a dance party.”

New song I wrote... thoughts?

Thoughts????

You called me at night
And said that you missed me.
Too bad you’re drunk,
Or at least acting like it.

You’re growing up too fast,
You’re drinking them cheap shots,
Smoking it expensive
Having nights full of fun

Too bad you don’t know
How it’s not me
Sometimes I hope
You’d realize how

Hard that it is,
How fast that it is
How new that it is
To me, Cause I’m

Walking on thin ice
Releasing all the vice
Dreaming of a time
When it’ll be alright

Cause I’m walking on thin ice
Releasing all the vice
Dreaming of a time
When it’ll be alright

One day all the pain,
Was released all away
When it happens to you,
Give me a clue
For I’d like to know, how it feels

So where do we stand?
Girls, drinks and smokes
But it’s gonna be ok,
Cause we’re all gonna be toast

When they find out,
Where we’ve been the most
Cause I wish you could see How…. (chorus)