WOW. That's probably the best word to describe the way this past week went. When we had our Mean Girls session on Monday night, I didn't know that so many things would change this week. So, first some background info... Well, our group of friends at school decided to have a team building session Monday night, in which, first we all gave each other complements and told each other the best things about ourselves and what we liked about each other. Then, we decided to dabble in the nitty gritty and spill some beans as to stuff we've been hiding or telling other people behind other's backs... so, yeah, needless to say, we found out about a lot of things at the meeting, including an unfortunate tryst amongst our friends hahaha. But, that's besides the point. The next day everyone was really quiet and awkward; I think that we were on such a high during the session that we could have literally told everyone anything and it would've been fine. But then after, it's like everything changed... And, you know what? I'm finished with all the drama... I looked back on this week and I think: since when did I get so damn dependent on positive feedback or encouragement??? That's gone now. I really don't need anybody, and the old adage is true unfortunately.... except for a very select few, you just can't count on people, and if you want to advance your goals in life, you simply have to have your core group of friends and family, and go after them! I discovered what I had been sulking about all week, and I am in the process of fixing it. Speaking of, this diet is going well... I keep on noticing results, and I will continue to make the change... My goals date is steadily approaching! One thing's for certain though: I'm done with this. No hard feelings, though. I've just lost sight of my goals (not the weight loss one).
Second: I've discovered a very important thing about myself. I want to be an actor. You may be like, "Yo, you've always wanted that." True, my friends. BUT, I have gotten over a key hump in the path now. I don't want to do acting for the sheer POSSIBILITY that I may become known or I MAY get money. NO. I want to act for the sheer pleasure of being able to discover yourself, through playing someone else. I want to act to be able to tell stories. I want to act to be able to meet fabulous people who share my passion and drive for doing something they love in this world. I want to act to discover myself, and the key uncertainties that guide me in this life. I just want to do it. I don't want a real job. I don't want job security (I can always be trained in the art of waiting hahahaha). I don't want to go to work everyday at 8 and leave at 5. That's my goal. That's where I want to be in 10 years. Sitting here at rehearsal looking at the sheer passion and dedication in everybody's face as they talk about Big Love and how to interpret it is inspiring. These guys (and girls) are the best in their field, and they're ready to take on the world. They're good. They're passionate. They're actors. I had the same look in my face when I told my mom years ago that I wanted to audition for ZOOM! It's still there. All the movies I see I think: Damn, really, how fun must that be? It's a hard job, yes, but someone needs to do it, right? You know, it's funny... we try so hard sometimes to control life. But, honestly, life is never in our control. It's simply not possible to try. How can you paddle a boat when you don't have the paddles??? You're not going to fall out of the boat... you will have some scary moments, but you will ultimately find your destination. I've discovered that. Simply put: I WANT to act.
Lastly, I am so thankful to the cast of Big Love and my fabulous ASM and SM... Being here these past few days has gotten my mind off so many things. I always avoid the drama too! When I get here, I just get entrenched in the work... granted we're not doing to much yet, but I look forward to these next few weeks.
So, let's see what next week will hold??? I bet you one thing: It will be just as eventful as this one... it's just up to me what to do with everything thrown at me. Talk to you soon! XoT
